Mama, Mommy, Mom...

Writing usually comes so easily for me...I sit here at the keyboard and the words just pour out of my heart and onto the screen. I am obviously over-analyzing this post because I am struggling to make it perfect...perfect for that one day when my children are old enough to read my heartfelt thoughts and words. But the truth of the matter is, I am far from perfect.

I am just a mama who each and every day struggles to be the best I can. As I type this I am already tearing up...I have so, so many things I hope to teach and tell my kids as I raise them to the best of my ability. I want them to experience life to the fullest and cherish each moment. To take chances and not be afraid to make mistakes. To love. To be kind. To have hope. To believe in themselves. To be good friends, good people.  To listen. To smile. To laugh every single day. And the list goes on and on and on. I am no different than any other mama out there...I simply want the best for my kids.

I hope as they grow they see how much they are truly loved. I hope they learn through the example I set. I hope they realize how much they teach me each and every day. Patience. Wisdom. How to play. How to love so deeply it hurts. How to kiss an owie and instantly make it all better. How to brighten even the darkest of days.

Moving out here has by far been the hardest obstacle I have ever had to overcome...the darkest days of my life. For, you see, I left behind my mom in the process. That was hard, really, really hard. No, we did not see each other daily or even every week, but IF we wanted to, it was just a three hour drive. It's not quite that simple when you live 15+ hours and hundreds of miles away. I wish it were as easy for me as it was for Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz...to click my heels three times (of course those are red, sparkly shoes I am wearing) and say "There's no place like home," and suddenly I am back in my happy little life in Kansas! I have daydreamed of that many times since moving out here!! But the truth of the matter is life doesn't work like that. And despite the fact that this journey in the desert is far from easy and sometimes down right hard, I am learning from it each and every day. I am certain I must be learning valuable life lessons that will come in handy with my own kids one day (otherwise it wouldn't be so hard)...that thought is what helps me plow through those days I want to cry and pack up the kids and move home with my mom! 

My mom and I are very, very close. We always have been...maybe not as close as we are today, but we never went through that hard patch so many experience. She is always, always there for me when I need her and whenever she can, she'll lend a helping hand. We talk on the phone every single day...usually more like three times a day when I call to bug her with the mundane details of life in Arizona!! I guess only a mom and a best friend (love you too Lisa!!) will listen to you ramble on about the most boring of things when you are lonely!! I love my mom dearly and hope through reading this she sees just how much!

Ahhh Huntler. What would I do without you little man?! I can't believe you will be four this year. What happened to my baby?! When I blinked you grew up on me! You seem to be changing before my very eyes. Just today Daddy and I were talking about how you are so much more of a "kid" now. The things you say, the way you act...you are LONG past the toddler stage, no matter how sad it makes Mommy! Your are growing and thriving which is what we want, but that doesn't make it any easier to watch! You will start school next fall. You are so excited but it makes Mommy so, so sad! Time used to stand still but ever since you entered the world, it has flown by! You are the best big brother Gentry could ever have! You love and care for her so much...we can see it in your eyes as you light up when she wakes up and the way you patiently wait at the patio door and hold it open for her as she slowly saunters in. You worry about her and for her...if someone touches her beloved puppy or if she loses her binky, you are the first to come tell us. That says so much about your character. I hope you grow up to be just as sweet, thoughtful and considerate as you are today. If you do, then I will know I have done my job and done it right. I love you more than you will ever know...until you have a baby of your own one day. But for now know that I love you ALL the way to the moon and back little man, all the way to the moon and back.

And sassy Miss Gentry. We were absolutely over the moon with Huntler when he was born but the moment we knew you were on the way, our hearts opened and you were loved every bit as much as your big brother. That love has not changed...or maybe it has. I guess I thought I loved you guys as much as I possibly could, but the crazy thing is, my heart manages to grow each and every day and so does my love for you both. It is deeper and more intense than you can even imagine! Gentry, I love your sassiness. You are so feisty and opinionated and although it is slightly challenging, it is those traits of your personality that will take you far in life (so long as you aren't obnoxious about it!!). I can't believe you are almost two already. You have grown up so much faster than Huntler did...you talk so much and carry on just like you are three already. I am so sad to have lost that "babyness" in you so quickly! But you are your own person and there is no holding you back! I love your spunk and your sense of style! You are such a girly girl and I am so lucky for that! I love that white blonde hair of yours, your baby blues and that gappy toothed smile...for when I am sad, that smile will undoubtedly bring happiness to my heart. 

Huntler and Gentry...thank you for being you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for teaching me more than I can even begin to express. You two are the reasons for this day, the reasons I celebrate Mother's Day and the reasons I celebrate every day. I love you both...to the moon and back and to the moon and back again!!

I have put these pictures up before, but they are some of my favorites, so I am sharing them again! (Thanks to Tonya for the fabulous editing!!)

Building Cathedrals

I wish I could say I had written this...but I did not. My mother-in-law sent this to me a few months ago when I was trying to figure out where I fit into this crazy world and since then another friend has sent it my way. I have been holding out for that perfect moment to share it with all of you...and Mother's Day could not be more appropriate!

I hope it touches you as deeply as it did me.

This excerpt from Nicole Johnson's novel The Invisible Woman (W Publishing Group, 2005). For more information, check out the author's website at www.freshbrewedlife.com.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.

Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction . But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime, because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself.

I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Six on Saturday

Hmmm...so as I begin this I am hoping I can come up with six new things to share about myself! I guess I'll give it a whirl and see what we wind up with!

1. I am a total jeans kind of girl. I LIVE in jeans! I am learning that they just aren't all that practical in the extreme heat of the desert and I am expanding my wardrobe, but jeans are a staple! My favorite brand - American Eagle. Yes, I am one of those 20-something but closer to 30 mom's that still thinks it is okay to shop at American Eagle. Please don't burst my bubble!!
2. I don't "do" tennis shoes unless I am working out...which is rare! I will very, very, very rarely put them on with my jeans if we are headed to a park or on a walk, but generally I save them for my work outs!
3. I don't really wear t-shirts either. Around the house and to bed, yes. But 99.9% of the time I wear girlish, more fitted shirts.
4. I LOVE jewelry! I have more necklaces and bracelets than I can count! But almost all of them are from Target and Kohl's so I more than likely bought them on sale! Those two stores have SUPER FUN and SUPER CUTE jewelry!! LOVE IT!!
5. I can not wear hats. I have tried, believe me, but my hair is so extremely thick and wild (remember the natural curl I fight every day gives me lots of "oomph") that I just can't pull it off these days! When it was longer I could, but not so much in the style I keep it now!!
6. I managed to just write 5 things about my wardrobe. Is that weird or what?! I am seriously not sure how I even got started on that little tangent, but it worked for me this week! And as I was typing this Chris and Huntler woke up so I am going to fix chocolate milk and say good morning to my family!! 

Have a happy Saturday!!

Flashback Friday!!!

After I caught that super cute picture yesterday, I have been thinking a lot about my two munchkins and how deep their love for each other is (sometimes that love could be misinterpreted for hate, but you get the idea!) so I went on a quest back through iPhoto this morning in search of other images of them together. I could NOT decide which ones to share, so I am sharing LOTS!! But hey, it's Friday and I can post tons, right?!  Some of you have seen a few of these, but most of them have not been shared up until this point!!

This is the day we got home from the hospital with Gentry...she was just over 24 hours old. Huntler wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with Chris, Gentry or me when he came to visit us at the hospital, but once we were home and back in our normal surroundings, he came around! I LOVE this picture of him holding sissy! He looks so happy and proud!! The crazy thing is, he was almost 22 months when Gentry was born and Gentry is almost 22 months now...

Just a few days old...we were heading down the street to eat ice cream and hang out with our great friends Britton and Lisa the evening I took these pictures!!

Here sis...want some grubby little boy finger?!! Thank goodness we have never been overly worried about germs...with two so close in age, you just can't avoid it!

This was taken the same night as the two above! I am including it because I had honestly forgotten how dark Gentry's hair was! I guess I thought she has always had that white blonde she has now!! Obviously I was wrong! And yes, that is my pink princess with a BLUE binky! I had bought all these fun girly binks before she was born and nope, she wanted the same kind her brother used...which I did NOT happen to have in pink! So, until we found them in the right color, she used a blue binky!! Isn't it crazy how BOTH of our kids preferred the same binky's??? From their birthmarks to their binky's they are so similar!!

Ok...so the way I upload pics I can't seem to type between any of the images anymore (I apparently did not leave enough space as I was copying codes) but I think it is pretty much self explanatory from here on out anyway!

Just Had to Share

Okay, this is definitely not the best picture I have ever taken (inside pics are so hard for me and I had the camera on the wrong mode and the flash went off in their faces) but I had to share it because I {HEART} it!! 

Here are our two little sickies snuggling on the floor this morning like the best of buds! I gave them baths and Huntler was freezing so I pulled out a blanket and he shimmied under to warm up! And whatever Huntler does, Gentry is just two steps behind! So here they are...snuggling beside each other watching cartoons and eating raisins! How cute are they?!!

The Family Room

So my munchkins are sickly...snotty little noses and just not quite up to par today. Not that either one has been overly whiny or anything, but neither one is acting quite like they do on a normal basis!! 

I have spent a lot of time today wiping noses and picking up kleenex. Poor Huntler has not even come close to grasping the concept of using a kleenex or just a small piece of toilet paper to wipe his nose when it runs...the child unrolls a good quarter of a roll of TP to make one little swipe across his face with it and loads up the trash can! I am glad he tries to take care of it himself and assert a little independence, but it is definitely going to take some practice to perfect that skill!

 

And then there is Gentry...she just roams around with her nose running to her top lip, oblivious to the world! Lots of times she F*I*G*H*T*S us when we try to wipe her nose and get her face cleaned up, but she has been such a little champ today, even saying "Thanks" when I am done!

Since we haven't been out and about and I am not taking pictures of my little ragamuffins with dry, red skin and runny noses, I decided to share a couple more house pics. These are of our family room...we painted in in October and L*O*V*E it! It is so cozy and warm in there now! I even painted the ceiling! I am sure  no one else notices that little detail that took HOURS, but we know and I guess that is all that matters!

Anyway, it is obviously no big secret that I love pictures! But, I am not a lover of clutter and 500 frames sitting around! Sorry, if I am describing you then that is fine for you, but it's not for me! I had seen these picture walls before and knew that we HAD to have one...you know, just another of my fabulous ideas that requires a lot of thought and effort from Chris!! 

I purchased all the frames from Michael's when they were 40% off and then we got to work...well, Chris got to work! I have absolutely no patience for the technical side of things. I will do all the painting and pick out the decor and such, but I do NOT want to measure lines or spend two hours rearranging frames on the floor until we get the "right" layout! I guess that is why we compliment each other so well...Chris hates to paint but he seriously enjoys the grueling, thought provoking aspects that I despise!!

I guess I should also tell you that the niche where the TV is was originally one large opening. Chris added in the top part to make it have the three little cubbies at the top and then the one large opening at the bottom. Another project that was harder than it looks! He is a total electronics/techy guru and added in lighting above each of the three little cubbies as well!

Since these were taken we have added a few new decorations to fill in the empty spaces in the niches as well as by the TV. It is such a fun room!!

All That Glitters

Can I just say how much I L*O*V*E shimmer and all things glittery?! So much so that should we ever have a pet (which is highly unlikely because I am just not that big on animals), his or her name would be Shimmer. There is a little bug on Miss Spider's Sunny Patch (a cartoon my kids watch) named Shimmer and it makes me smile every time I hear it!

Anyway, we went to Target this morning with a list of boring things we needed...you know bathroom cleaner, shampoo, stain spray...the normal stuff! We also needed another pair of little white sandals for Gentry. That girl is growing like a weed I am tellin' ya! I bought her some size 5 shoes probably three months ago. Mmmmm...too little. I mean, they fit, but her toes hang over! We'll save those for backyard shoes now!

But before I could even GET to the little white, practical sandals I saw an end cap gleaming like a sparkler on a dark night! Ok...so maybe that is a lame attempt at being funny...I am better at the serious stuff! But really, there were all sorts of these fun little shoes just a shining there for my eye to see! Pink, purple and silver. I picked up the silver ones and before I could even get them in the cart Gentry was grabbing!! I was torn...REALLY torn and had we not HAD to have the white sandals (they match everything) I might have been tempted to get the pink ones too. Let me just tell you this girl knows what she likes...wherever we go she is talking about clothes and shoes being "cute." It is next to IMPOSSIBLE to tell her "no" when she latches onto something like they are long lost friends and says, "Cute, cute." 

Anyway, these are about the cutest little shoes ever!! Since her feet are smaller they have a strap on the back, but they are darling! And now my darling is waking up from her nap so I should get!! 

The Details...

Since I had that sweet picture of my darling Gentry girl up yesterday, I wanted to share one of my super sweet Huntler too! I took this picture last month (I can't remember if I put in on my blog or not), but I LOVE it! It isn't perfect (from the technical photography standpoint), but I don't care! I don't see any of that when I look at it. I only see my handsome lil' guy with dirt on his face!

Isn't it funny how a picture can tell a story? Well, not funny in the "ha ha" kind of way, more like amazing. Isn't it amazing how a picture can tell a story? Can take you back to a moment forever frozen in time? I think that is why I am so in love with the whole concept of photography...I love to write, to tell the stories of our life, but I also love photos. The expressions, the events, the ins and outs of our everyday life captured in an image to remind us, to take us back...

On this day it was hot. Well, not "hot" so to speak for Arizona, but "hot" in my mind! I don't like to be hot, I never have. And sweating?! I bet I am the only person you can find who doesn't like to sweat when she works out...not that I work out on a regular basis...that would be ideal...

Sorry...I am telling you, I love to chat and get sidetracked easily! Getting back on track...the day I took this photo we were all outside...Chris and I were working and the kids were playing with this little plastic wagon which is meant for them to pull (not sit in) when they came up with this wonderful idea to have go cart races. Each would take a turn sitting in the wagon and they would push each other around. They LOVED it! But, they love each other and thoroughly enjoy spending time together. I am sure that will change at some point, but right now they are the best of friends (unless they are fighting of course!). It isn't always a piece of cake having them so close in age, but I am so, so thankful they have each other.

Okay....BACK to the picture here! Its story. By looking at a picture you can learn so much about someone and a situation. Obviously this was taken outside and my little man is filthy!  And judging by that smile, he was having a pretty darn good time! You can't tell what he was doing or who is around him, but you can tell he was genuinely happy. I am probably the only one who will remember this day when I see this picture, but that's okay. It is those memories, of grubbing in the dirt and running up and down the driveway dripping in sweat that I always want to carry with me. The little things in life that make it all worth living. The details.